This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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