You're my little dorito
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We were destined to go to rehab together
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
