wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
