y did u give ur computer a hand job?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
