I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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