Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I stole a fireplace last night.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
