this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
