dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
i think my cat just said my name.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
