ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
