Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize