were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I supernannyed him into submission
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
