google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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