Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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