Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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