Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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