So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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