Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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