in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Holy sore nipples Batman
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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