i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
