his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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