I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
