That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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