listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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