I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
