i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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