If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
