the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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