drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize