Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Every concussion has its silver lining
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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