So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
