at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
