So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
