you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
