I didn't shave. On purpose
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize