I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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