I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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