There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
