If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
