can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
