batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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