I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize