I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
