Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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