Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She even gives head with a lisp.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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