Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
