i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
