she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
