saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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