ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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