First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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