Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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