Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
