dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
