apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
