Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
