You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
