Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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