I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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