You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
