You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i dont even know how to be here
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
