Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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