As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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