i just had sex bonerless
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
