why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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