I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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