Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
