I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
