YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
