So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
