im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize