It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
