Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
