It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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