yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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