you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
