I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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