i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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