i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize