Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
