I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
