How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
