Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize