So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
