You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
