I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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