There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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